WHEN IT COMES to relationship advice for gay men, comic books have a lot more to offer than most may expect. At least, they do according to evolutionary psychologist Dr. Keith Swain, who taps into comic book iconography with his new book, “Dynamic Duos: The Alpha Beta Key to Unlocking Success in Gay Relationships.”
Swain brings the book and a seminar on coupling to Atlanta in a series of appearances July 24-26.
“The best way to look at it is, some of us are Batman, and some of us are Robin,” Swain says. “It’s one of the few iconic images that fit, and so that’s why we pulled on that.”
In the book’s terms, some gay men are Alpha Men, and some are Beta Men. And the difference isn’t as simple as splitting the two into traditional masculine and feminine stereotypes.
“A lot of people think it means femininity, and that’s really difficult, because I think in our society, and especially in the gay community, we have a real hesitancy to be identified as feminine,” Swain says.
It’s better to look at the alpha/beta dynamic in terms of what each person brings to the relationship. Alphas tend to be providers who deal with the external world, and betas tend to be nurturers who take care of the emotional core of the relationship, according to “Dynamic Duos.”
THROUGH RESEARCH SWAIN DID for his book, he realized that the majority of successful gay relationships — the 13 percent he says last more than 20 years —strike a complementary balance between the alpha and beta dynamic. The book includes a test that allows readers to place themselves along the spectrum from one (beta) to 100 (alpha).
“If you see somebody scoring in the 90s, they will tend to be attracted to someone who will score in the 10 range, and they really tend to fall into stereotypical roles, where ‘I’m the man of the house and he cooks and cleans,’” Swain says. “I can’t judge that; if that’s what they’re comfortable with, that’s great. But I tend to think most of us fall into the bell curve. There’s a lot of us in the middle.”
The terms “alpha” and “beta” seem to imply hierarchy, but Swain says that’s not necessarily the case.
“What people fail to realize is that the betas have as much power, if not more sometimes, than the alpha male, because having the ability to be flexible and adapt is truly a beta trait and it’s very powerful,” he says. “A good way to look at is like yin and yang, counterbalancing powers.”
Swain will teach gay men how to look for the yin to their yang — or vice-versa — and to counterbalance their powers once they find them, at a series of appearances in Atlanta, including at Outwrite Bookstore & Coffeehouse, a stop at the Atlanta Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce’s July Fourth Friday Networking event, and a pair of workshops to be announced.
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drkswain on 7/18/0810:32 AM:
Hello Everyone, Keith Swain here - thanks to SOVO for
the nice write up. I'm looking forward to returning to
Atlanta, and my home state of Georgia and hope you can
join me for a free presentation and book signing at
Outwrite this Thursday at 7:30 pm. I'm looking forward
to meeting a lot of nice folks. Take care. KWS
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