There is no more tangible symbol for how the onset of the AIDS epidemic altered gay sexuality than the condom. It would have been considered absurd for gay men to wear condoms in the 1970s, but a decade later, rubbers became a life-saving essential.
AIDS impacted gay sexual norms, overall relationships Disclosure continues to be a source of anxiety for lovers and friends
There
is
no
more
tangible
symbol
for
how
the
onset
of
the
AIDS
epidemic
altered
gay
sexuality
than
the
condom.
Prior
to
the
1980s,
gay
men
could
—
and
many
did
—
engage
in
as
much
unprotected
sex
as
they
desired
without
the
fear
of
getting
someone
pregnant,
or
catching
anything
that
a
shot
of
antibiotics
couldn’t
clear
up.
It
would
have
been
considered
absurd
for
gay
men
to
wear
condoms
in
the
1970s,
but
a
decade
later,
latex
rubbers
became
a
life-saving
essential.
“They
were
considered
a
very,
very
unusual
and
odd
display
of
male-to-male
sexuality,”
author
Michael
Mancilla
said
of
condoms
in
the
’70s.
“Of
course,
they
were
also
part
of
the
sexual
Avant-garde
[in
the
’80s].”
In
addition
to
introducing
condoms
to
gay
culture,
the
AIDS
epidemic
altered
gay
sex
and
relationships
in
many
less
obvious
ways
—
from
the
definition
of
gay
beauty,
to
how
we
interact
with
friends,
to
the
push
for
legal
recognition
of
same-sex
relationships.
“It
introduced
a
new
division
in
the
dating
scene
based
on
[HIV]
status,”
said
Mancilla,
author
of
“Love
in
the
Time
of
HIV:
The
Gay
Man’s
Guide
to
Sex,
Dating
and
Relationships.”
“We
struggle
with,
once
again,
the
discussions
around
disclosure,”
Mancilla
said,
noting
that
advanced
AIDS
drugs
have
“created
this
kind
of
viral
invisibility”
that
allows
HIV-positive
people
to
be
undetectable.
“There
has
been
now,
maybe
within
the
last
several
years,
the
increased
option
of
sero-sorting,”
Mancilla
said,
describing
the
practice
of
having
sex
with
only
partners
who
have
the
same
HIV
status.
“Some
people
are
out
there
indicating
they
want
‘drug-
and
disease-free’
partners.”
Conversely,
there
are
also
HIV-positive
men
who
avoid
dating
HIV-negative
individuals
because
they
are
afraid
of
rejection,
or
don’t
want
to
deal
with
the
guilt
of
exposing
their
partner
to
the
disease,
said
Anthony
Estelle,
a
prevention
coordinator
and
health
counselor
at
Positive
Impact,
an
Atlanta
non-profit
AIDS
organization.
“There’s
that
stigma
around
disclosure,
and
that
fear
of
being
rejected,”
Estelle
said.
“It’s
almost
like
it
splits
the
gay
community
again.
People
are
afraid
to
love
on
both
ends.”
That
division
can
sometimes
extend
beyond
relationships,
as
disclosure
issues
also
impact
gay
friendships,
said
Estelle,
who
oversees
two
discussion
groups
at
Positive
Impact.
“It
does
affect
friendships
because
there
is
a
disappointment
there,
as
well
as
a
fear
of
a
judgment,”
Estelle
said.
“You
have
those
who
don’t
want
to
disclose
because
they’ve
heard
what
their
friends
say
about
other
people
who
are
positive
—
little
catty
things
they
may
say
not
knowing
their
friend
is
positive,
too.”
FROM
GLORY
HOLES
TO
GROOM
&
GROOM
The
decade
after
the
1969
Stonewall
Riots
was
defined
by
consequence-free
sex
for
gay
men
—
at
bathhouses
and
parks
across
the
country,
at
orgies
in
Fire
Island
and
Atlanta,
and
in
the
infamous
“back
rooms”
of
many
gay
clubs.
“It
was
the
time
of
‘free
love’
for
everyone,
and
I
remember
this
sense,
or
this
excitement
or
energy,
about
gay
people
being
able
to
have
‘free
love,’
too,”
said
Atlanta
resident
Chuck
Lee,
66.
“It
was
a
fairly
euphoric
time,
all
around.”
That
gay
euphoria
gave
way
to
almost
universal
fear
in
the
early
1980s
as
more
and
more
reports
surfaced
about
a
mysterious
disease
that
was
killing
gay
men.
“There
was
confusion
about
whether
sex
caused
[AIDS],
and
so
the
changes
[in
sexual
behavior]
didn’t
happen
immediately,”
Lee
said.
“But
then
someone
around
you
dies,
and
you
see
that
this
is
for
real,
and
it
doesn’t
matter
how
it’s
spread
—
you’ll
do
anything
they
tell
you
to
stay
safe.
“Once
AIDS
came
around,
I
would
have
to
know
a
person
for
at
least
two
years
before
I
would
even
think
about
having
sex
with
them,”
he
added.
“I
was
practically
celibate.
You
just
didn’t
know
who
you
could
trust,
or
what
information
to
trust,
so
I
just
kind
of
hunkered
down.”
AIDS
inserted
a
level
of
distrust
in
gay
relationships
that
lingers
to
this
day,
Estelle
said.
“In
the
back
of
your
mind,
you
might
have
these
constant
worries:
is
this
person
being
honest
about
his
status?
Even
with
condoms,
could
it
break,
or
will
it
keep
me
protected?”
Estelle
said.
“No
matter
what,
some
people
are
going
to
feel
restrained
when
it
comes
to
loving
someone.”
For
all
of
the
pain
and
divisions
AIDS
inspired
in
gay
men,
the
epidemic
“established
an
ethic
of
caretaking
for
each
other”
in
gay
individuals
and
organizations,
said
Sue
Hyde,
director
of
the
Creating
Change
conference
for
the
National
Gay
&
Lesbian
Task
Force.
“There’s
no
question
in
my
mind
that
the
AIDS
epidemic
...
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