Author Simon Sheppard, whose books chronicle many aspects of gay sexuality, says straight men may be jealous of the sexual freedom gay men experience. (Sheppard photo courtesy SimonSheppard.com)
The queer side of gay sex A look at unique elements of gay and lesbian sexuality
Homophobia
often
reminds
gay
men
and
lesbians
of
what
they
can’t
do:
they
can’t
marry,
or
enjoy
workplace
protections,
or
walk
down
most
streets
holding
hands
without
possibly
putting
their
safety
at
risk.
But
is
it
possible
that
some
anti-gay
bias
is
caused
by
heterosexual
jealousy
of
the
many
activities
and
institutions
that
are
unique
to
gay
culture?
“I’ve
often
wondered
if
part
of
homophobia
is
a
part
of
the
envy
of
straight
men
who
have
to
deal
with
a
different
[sexual]
set-up,”
said
gay
author
Simon
Sheppard,
who
has
written
such
books
as
“Sex
Parties
101”
and
“Kinkorama:
Dispatches
from
the
Front
Lines
of
Perversion.”
The
heterosexual
construct
of
sex
generally
prohibits
straight
men
from
making
eye
contact
with
a
woman
on
the
sidewalk,
then
finding
a
nearby
hideaway
to
engage
in
random
sex
minutes
later.
“There
are
plenty
of
gay
men
who
don’t
operate
that
way,
but
even
in
an
era
of
safer
sex,
and
marriage
as
a
goal,
it’s
a
respectable
thing
still
in
a
large
part
of
the
queer
community
to
have
recreational
sex
and
walk
away
from
it,”
Sheppard
said.
Sheppard
believes
that
all
men,
gay
and
straight,
have
primal
urges,
but
that
heterosexual
men
generally
haven’t
been
able
to
explore
their
desires
with
the
same
freedom
that
gay
men
have.
“Gay
guys
really
are
great
at
having
sex
compared
to
the
general
population,”
Sheppard
said.
Cruising
for
sex
and
maintaining
“friends
with
benefits”
are
“gay
institutions”
that
Sheppard
says
heterosexuals
engage
in
with
varying
levels
of
success.
But
there
remain
some
aspects
of
gay
and
lesbian
sexuality
that,
for
better
or
for
worse,
are
found
only
in
the
queer
sex
scene:
POPPERS
Inhaling
chemicals
from
a
thumb-size
bottle
has
been
“an
intrinsic
part
of
gay
sex”
since
at
least
the
1960s,
Sheppard
said.
Formally
known
as
amyl
nitrite,
butyl
nitrite
and
isobutyl
nitrite,
“poppers”
are
sold
under
erotic
brand
names
like
“Hard
Ware,”
“Ram”
and
“Man
Scent.”
Technically
illegal
in
the
U.S.,
poppers
are
often
sold
at
adult
bookstores
and
sex
shops
under
the
disguise
label
of
“leather
cleaner”
or
“room
odorizer,”
although
it’s
hard
to
imagine
anyone
wanting
to
fill
an
entire
room
with
the
pungent
aroma
of
poppers.
“I
really
don’t
enjoy
the
smell
of
poppers,
so
I
usually
try
to
make
it
clear
with
the
guy
whether
or
not
he’s
going
to
be
using
them,”
said
Atlanta
resident
Jim
Richards.
“The
smell
can
be
really
distracting,
overpowering
and
a
complete
turnoff.”
But
for
many
gay
men,
poppers
are
a
way
to
relax
vital
muscles
during
anal
sex,
and
add
a
brief,
cheap
rush
to
orgasms.
“I
use
poppers
and
I
think
it’s
because,
frankly,
poppers
make
for
incredibly
intense
sex
—
there’s
no
way
around
it,”
Sheppard
said.
“Something
about
poppers
is
a
little
daunting
as
well,
in
that
there’s
a
moment
of
enormous
ego
loss,
and
it
can
be
scary.
“I
think
that
traditionally,
queer
men
are
more
exploratory
with
their
sexuality,”
Sheppard
added.
“Because
our
sexuality
has
been
beyond
the
pale
anyway,
we’ve
been
more
willing
to
take
that
extra
step.”
STRAP-ONS/SEX TOYS
Sonja
Walker
used
to
have
sex
with
men
until
her
mid-20s,
but
it
wasn’t
until
she
began
penetrating
other
women
that
she
finally
started
experiencing
an
orgasm
regularly.
“Of
course
guys
would
penetrate
me,
but
it
just
didn’t
do
anything
for
me
the
way
I
was
expecting,”
Walker
said.
“But
once
I
started
strapping
up
and
positioning
it
just
right,
I
get
taken
care
of.”
Wearing
a
harness
and
a
strap-on
dildo
has
been
an
empowering
experience
for
Walker,
who
said
she
has
no
desire
to
be
a
man
or
have
an
actual
penis.
“It
finally
felt
like
I’m
in
control
of
my
body
and
my
feelings,
I
can
decide
to
have
an
orgasm
if
I
want
to,”
Walker
said.
“I’ve
heard
that
lesbian
sex
is
supposed
to
be
boring,
but
it’s
one
of
the
best
things
to
ever
happen
to
me.”
Browsing
the
vibrators
and
nipple
clamps
with
her
girlfriend
at
Midtown
Inserection,
Walker
said
she
also
feels
more
comfortable
exploring
sex
toys
with
a
female
partner.
“I
couldn’t
imagine
using
any
outside
things
with
a
guy
I
was
with
—
too
many
insecurities
and
issues
about
[his]
size
being
enough,”
she
said.
“My
woman
isn’t
threatened
by
anything
I
might
buy,
and
I
actually
want
her
to
get
the
things
that
are
going
to
make
her
happy.”
BATHHOUSES/SEX PARTIES
Imagine
a
place
where
you
walk
in,
change
out
of
your
street
clothes
and
into
only
a
white
towel
around
your
waist,
then
search
the
venue
for
as
many
sex
partners
as
you
desire.
Such
a
scene
has
been
...
The
following comments were posted by our readers and were
not edited by SOVO. We ask that you
treat others with respect; any post deemed offensive will
be removed.
Ashley on 11/14/088:20 AM:
That was a really interesting article. I work frequently with gay men, selling sex toys, and I love that the guys I sell to are normally such an open-minded and free-spirited bunch!
Travel Boy on 11/14/083:52 PM:
Great story. Spot on about gay men and straight men relative to sex.
One thing was inaccurate though. Poppers are not just a gay phenomenon. It's likely that more straights use them than gays (though a much larger percentage of gay men use them than straight men). One thing's for sure: they really do greatly enhance the sexual experience for both women and men.
Here's a facinating look at poppers: http://www.allaboutpoppers.com/
Keep up the good work guys!
Boyd
thezak on 11/16/088:36 AM:
How widespread is the phenomenon?... the strategy of
"Let's get tested TOGETHER
BEFORE we have sex, for A VARIETY of STDs."
Sexual health checkups reduce ambiguity/risks and can be
like anything else POTENTIAL sex partners might do together.
