Conservative religious groups constantly invoke this mantra in an attempt to cloak their opposition to gay equality in a veneer of false concern.
And gay people are sick and tired of hearing it, either from churches or even within our own families.
They can claim that it’s not gay people they dislike, just that nasty, naughty gay sex we insist on having, but we’re not buying it.
So after yet another election cycle where our rights were stripped away by the tyranny of the majority —this time in California, Arkansas, Florida and Arizona — we dedicate this issue of Southern Voice to celebrating the sex that too often draws such scorn.
From the serious to the quirky, our writers interviewed experts and everyday lesbian and gay Atlantans about the many ways that sex impacts our lives.
Here, we love the sinner AND the sin — not that we really think sex is a sin, of course.
For
most
of
us,
work
and
sex
are
two
separate
parts
of
our
lives
—
except
for
those
slow
days
at
the
office
when
we
find
ourselves
daydreaming
about
what
we
could
be
doing
if
we
were
at
home
instead
of
slogging
away
to
pay
the
bills.
But
for
these
six
diverse
gay
Atlantans,
sex
—
talking
about
it,
writing
about
it,
or
helping
other
people
do
it
better
—
actually
pays
the
bills.
Kaiha
Bertollini
says
working
in
an
adult
toy
store
is
‘not
that
big
a
deal.’
(Photo
by
Matt
Schafer)
Kaiha
Bertollini
Adult
toy
store
employee
When
Kaiha
Bertollini
went
to
work
at
Inserection
at
the
corner
of
Cheshire
Bridge
and
Piedmont
Avenue,
her
Wiccan
mother
approved
while
her
traditional
Jewish
father
hated
the
idea.
“I’m
really
comfortable
with
sex
and
sexuality,
so
like
working
here,
my
friends,
when
I
first
got
this
job
in
August,
were
like,
‘it
fits,’”
she
said.
“A
lot
of
my
friends
have
this
misconception
that
if
you
work
in
a
novelty
store
then
you
must
be
a
freak
or
something
like
that,
but
it’s
just
not
the
case.
Not
like
I’m
absolutely
boring
in
bed
or
anything,
but
it’s
just
not
that
big
of
a
deal.”
That
said,
Bertollini,
23,
a
student
at
University
of
Phoenix,
said
she
went
a
little
“toy
crazy,”
when
she
got
her
first
couple
of
paychecks.
“I
love
the
employee
discount.
I
was
like,
‘Really?’”
Bertollini
said.
Being
one
of
the
few
women
working
in
an
adult
novelty
store
where
everything
from
dildos
to
porn
movies
are
sold
makes
for
some
interesting
interactions.
Much
to
the
disappointment
of
her
male
customers,
she’s
not
interested.
“I
get
hit
on
all
the
time,
and
I’m
a
bit
more
feminine,
so
it’s
mostly
guys,”
she
said.
The
ones
who
don’t
flirt
with
her
are
often
a
bit
sheepish
to
approach
her.
“For
the
most
part,
guys
are
standoffish
because
I
am
a
girl
and
I’m
like,
‘It’s
nothing
I
haven’t
seen
before,’”
she
said.
It’s
not
just
the
men
who
assume
she’s
straight
either.
“I
am
a
lesbian,
but
most
of
the
time
my
hair
is
down
and
I
have
make
up
on
and
I’ll
be
like,
‘This
strap
on
is
really
good,’
and
they’ll
be
like,
‘Oh,
like
you
know?’
and
I’ll
be
like,
‘Actually,
I’ve
been
out
since
I
was
15,
so
take
my
word
on
it,
don’t
buy
that
because
it’s
crap,
and
it’s
not
going
to
work.’”
Michael
Alvear
is
one
of
HBO’s
‘The
Sex
Inspectors’
and
writes
the
weekly
‘Need
Wood’
column
for
David
Atlanta
magazine.
(Photo
courtesy
Alvear)
Michael
Alvear
‘Sex
Inspector’
Michael
Alvear
didn’t
plan
on
becoming
an
expert
on
sex.
Like
a
girl
getting
pregnant
on
prom
night,
it
just
sort
of
happened.
“It
wasn’t
anything
I
planned,”
Alvear
said.
“I
completely
did
it
as
a
lark,
like,
oh
yeah,
it
would
be
fun,
and
then
it
just
exploded.”
Alvear
began
writing
the
“Need
Wood”
column
syndicated
in
David
Atlanta
magazine
—
which
is
owned
by
Window
Media,
the
parent
company
of
Southern
Voice
—
and
a
number
of
other
gay
newspapers.
His
career
as
a
sexpert
took
off,
and
he
now
co-hosts
“The
Sex
Inspectors”
on
HBO,
in
which
he
and
UK
sex
expert
Tracey
Cox
examine
the
sex
lives
of
couples
having
problems
in
the
bedroom
and
then
offer
their
advice
on
ways
to
reach
orgasmic
unions.
He
is
also
author
of
the
2003
book
“Men
are
Pigs,
But
We
Love
Bacon.”
While
some
might
think
it’s
intimidating
to
date
“The
Sex
Inspector,”
Alvear
said
its
actually
tougher
dating
as
a
sex
inspector.
“I
would
actually
say
the
intimidation
is
in
reverse,”
Alvear
said,
joking
that
“I’m
single,
and
I’m
horrible
in
bed.”
“I
think
there
is
enormous
expectation
that
I
can
make
you
turn
colors,
so
I
feel
it’s
more
on
the
other
side,”
he
said.
That
level
of
expectation
is
reflected
in
his
columns
and
books,
where
he
keeps
a
light,
non-preachy
tone.
“I
think
there
is
a
difference
between
knowing
what
to
do
and
doing
it,
and
I
would
say
I
know
what
to
do,
and
that
I
don’t
always
do
it,”
he
said.
Alvear
gets
thousands
of
emails
from
men,
and
probably
a
few
women,
asking
his
advice
on
any
range
of
topics.
While
some
of
the
men
who
write
could
be
extremely
attractive,
so
far,
he
hasn’t
tried
to
contact
any
of
them.
“No,
no,
no,”
he
says
extending
every
sound
of
the
word
“No.”
“I’ve
been
tempted,
I
have
definitely
been
tempted,
but
...
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