The levity of Atlanta Pride and the gravity of the fight against anti-gay hate crimes may not seem to mesh.
But Judy Shepard said it’s important that the two emotions do meet, and that Pride includes more than partying.
“For a long time we didn’t do Pride — I did one and I felt like I was such a downer,” said Shepard, mother of Matthew Shepard, who was murdered in October 1998 in Laramie, Wyo., in what became one of the most famous anti-gay hate crimes in America.
“It’s been almost eight years now, so I don’t think it’s as much on everyone’s mind,” Shepard said. “Yes, it’s a serious issue, but you don’t learn from only things that are serious.
“My mission is not just to memorialize Matt but to celebrate his life,” she said. “I want to try to activate the people. Be involved. Care. Not just party. Notoriously, the gay community has stayed away from the polls, and it’s time for them to get with it.”
Speaking out
Since her son’s brutal murder, Shepard, once a quiet, stay-at-home mom, has become a vocal proponent of hate crimes legislation and the movement to “replace hate with understanding, compassion and acceptance,” as stated on the website for the foundation started in her son’s name.
Shepard is an honorary grand marshal and a speaker at the 2006 Atlanta Pride celebration, whose theme is “Pride 365: Live. Love. Be.”
In addition to being “Matt’s mom,” she is executive director of the Matthew Shepard Foundation, which she and her husband, Dennis, founded in the wake of Matthew’s murder.
The foundation works toward causes that Matthew championed during his life, including social justice, diversity education and equality for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.
Pride can be m
ore than just its reputed mass of celebratory parties, Shepard said. Parents like her, who have adult gay children, can participate with Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays and other groups, but also can help their gay children in other ways as well, she said.
“Talking about the families is one of the most important things they can do,” Shepard said. “They talk about their other kids but maybe they don’t talk about their gay child.”
She said Vice President Dick Cheney’s family is a prime example of how some straight parents almost hide their gay children, and not talking about gay siblings as equally as others in a family does not further the cause of acceptance of gays.
“[The Cheneys] never mention [gay daughter] Mary. I don’t really get that,” Shepard said.
But in her calm, honest, unassuming way, Shepard acknowledges she does not know how Pride can directly help foster acceptance for gays.
“What it does do is … it raises awareness, but not always in a positive way,” Shepard said. “I understand that the reason for Pride is for the community to unite and stand as one. I’m not really sure that it does much to educate or raise awareness in the community itself.”
In that way, Pride has room for improvement, according to Shepard.
“It’s got to be more than about the party now. It’s just got to be more,” she said.
Since Matthew Shepard’s murder, the fight against anti-gay hate crimes has been a roller coaster ride, his mother said. Shepard said she believes President Bill Clinton “did keep us visible,” but hurt gay Americans legislatively. The current president has done harm to efforts to fight hate crimes, she said.
“The Bush Administration has done a good job of keeping us invisible, [and] has really hurt us on a national scale,” Shepard said.
But at the same time, progress is being made locally that does help, she added.
“I think the grassroots movements are really picking up steam,” Shepard said. “I think we’ve come a long way, in part on the national level. As far as acceptance goes, I think we’ve made great strides, especially in young people.
“They understand that [being gay is] not the anomaly that it used to be,” she said. “I think it’s still hard for everybody, but that’s only because society tells us it should be.”
Activism gives ‘peace’
Through the Matthew Shepard Foundation, Judy and Dennis Shepard continue to advocate for diversity and education. They are vocal on current issues such as the federal Marriage Protection Amendment that would ban same-sex marriage in the U.S. Constitution, and issued a statement to oppose it.
“Anyone that believes that the hatred behind this amendment is any different than the hatred that was the cause of our son’s murder is fooling themselves and doesn’t understand what is happening every day in our society,” the Shepards said in the statement.
Judy Shepard said her work since Matthew’s death helps give her peace if she knows she is helping others like him and helping people be more accepting of others.
“I don’t think that I could do the things I do without thinking that I’m helping at least one person in the audience,” she said. “Someone who’s having negative thoughts — maybe I can change that by putting a face on hate and how devastating that can be.”
Her son might be surprised to see Shepard as a speaker at Atlanta Pride, rather than baking cookies for PFLAG, she admitted.
“Matt always felt that I should have been doing something more than being a stay-at-home mom,” Shepard said. “I don’t think he would have foreseen me as being the one at the podium. I think he would be very surprised at that — pleased, I think, but a little surprised.”
And what might her son have said, seeing his mom as honorary grand marshal at the Atlanta Pride parade? Judy Shepard laughed, even through her grief, able to appreciate the good memories of the son she loved so much and lost so soon. She said she thinks she knows what he might say:
“Mom, I hardly knew ya.”
