Gay diners didn’t invEnt tapas, but we might as well have. All those sumptuous little plates, the sharing back and forth with friends, fawning over some items, totally dissing others.

Well that, boys and girls, is what Dish has planned this week: gossip a lá tapas. Here are some favorite little morsels we’ve been saving for a rainy day.

First, gay icon and bisexual comedian SANDRA BERNHARD agreed to provide the entertainment for this year’s Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather competition, one of the heaviest attended events in the leather/Levi world.

Ms. B is scheduled to be in Washington, D.C., amid the harnesses, jockstraps and bootblacks, on Jan. 16. She performs material from her new show, “Mama’s Comin’ to Town.” For more upcoming tour dates, check out www.SandraBernhard.com.

Bernhard already filmed a multi-episode role on Showtime’s lesbian soap opera “The L-Word,” which returns to the tube on Feb. 20. Apparently this winter, it’s all about Sandy.

Also scheduled is an upcoming TV segment about the validity of “gay-dar” on ABC’s newsmagazine “20/20.” Erstwhile reporter JOHN STOSSEL sent out an e-mail last week trying to recruit test subjects.

“We’ll test people who say they can sometimes tell whether someone is gay (we’ll introduce them to 10 people and then ask them to guess),” the message says. “Then I will interview the testers on videotape for a future story.”

Why is the mainstream world so fascinated by “gay-dar?” There are so many more fascinating aspects of gay life — like why we love MADONNA and CELINE DION.

Well, usually it’s different kinds of queens who like one or the other, but apparently the two divas are related.

Genealogist Troy Dunn of MyFamily.com told MSNBC gossip hound Jeannette Walls that he traced both family trees, and Dion and Madge share similar roots.
This is all kinda of sketchy, but still moderately amusing.

“Madonna’s people had no comment,” Dunn told Walls. “Celine’s people were horrified.”

Speaking of Madonna, we all know that she’s a good singer and dancer, but not the most talented actress. Well, now we’ll get to see how she acts with just her voice.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, her Madge-esty is currently recording the tracks for a role in the computer-animated movie “Arthur,” due out in 2006. The project is based on a series of French children’s books about a boy who travels to a mystical land in search of treasure.

No word on whether the Material Girl will sing.

Ready or not, fans won’t have to wait much longer to see Fergie naked. SARAH FERGUSON, the Duchess of York, is signed to pose in only a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and some Cartier jewels for a book to benefit the ELTON JOHN AIDS Foundation.

“The Duchess is absolutely taking part,” her spokesperson told London’s Press Association.

Also posing in just shoes and diamonds for fashion photographer Pamela Hanson are models KATE MOSS and RACHEL HUNTER, as well as actresses REBECCA ROMIJN-STAMOS and LARA FLYNN BOYLE. The book, tentatively titled “Four Inches” after the height of the heels, is scheduled for release in the spring.

Dish can’t wait to see this — for the shoes, of course.

Another thing we can’t wait for is more pictures of Hunter, the sexy surfer boy contestant on Bravo’s “Manhunt: The Search for America’s Most Gorgeous Male Model,” which airs Tuesdays at 10 p.m.

The porn news Web site www.gay.fleshbot.com got its hands on some hot pictures of Hunter in his former career as a stripper in Arkansas — bills in his briefs and all. Don’t know if it’s a gay bar, but there are some rainbow flags in the background.

Also, a little birdie told Dish that gay cruising site Manhunt.net is considering taking legal action against the show for stealing its name. Stay tuned for details.